[ It's strange, there's something about talking to him over the phone like this that makes her feel a bit lonely. She can't see him and gauge his expressions in order to craft a response--but then he would be able to see the horrible look on her face. Yet there's a small part of her that might be okay with that, one that thinks back to the time when they sat shoulder to shoulder, holding hands like the silly teenagers both of them deserved to be but never would.
What does that say about her that all she wants to do is rest her head on his shoulder and let herself be a little vulnerable for once? To want to let him in just a little bit? ]
...Mmn, I'll do that. And it's okay, I'm still figuring things out myself. I've just got skills that work well with the kind of work I do, but it's still really new to me too.
[ Hibiki pauses as she debates something in her mind. It's not too late, just a little bit after nightfall. Hmm. ]
[ From everything she's told him, it's true that their respective exposures to the supernatural didn't happen all that far apart. Yet, somehow, he can't help but feel there's a wider gap between their experiences. Maybe it's because of the skills she mentioned. More likely, there's a simpler explanation. Both of their exposures went hand-in-hand with a personal loss — her mother, his princess. But Suzaku never had to look for the truth, it came to him, cruel and alien. A repulsive story that made him want nothing more than to reject the powers that made it possible.
And yet, isn't it the opposite for her? The details are different, certainly, but it still makes him wonder what could have been if things had gone ever so slightly sidewise. ]
—Hm?
[ Amidst the aimless wandering thoughts, it takes a second for the question to register. ]
Ah, sorry. I was... [ spacing out? ] But no, I'm not busy. Why? Did you want to meet up?
[ Hm? Ah, did she overload him with information? This might be easier in some ways if he was in the same room as him instead of being cut off from some very important cues. Was he distracted? Did she say something truly ridiculous (of course she did, this whole conversation has been A Lot for him to process)? Surprise insecurities attempting to crop up, she does her best to push them back down under the surface. He said he would support her in any way he could, right?
Trust him, Hibiki. She probably just fried his brain a little. ]
I mean, if you're okay with that. [ Stop. He's the one that suggested it first. ] There's something I should probably show you, now that you know my big secret.
[ If this was in person there's a chance he may have caught onto the growing insecurities from the other side of the line. Then again, he probably wouldn't have gotten off track and caused that spiral in the first place. So it's kind of a moot point. As is, it passes him by. A casualty of information overload and curiosity. Something to show him? After the flood of conversation they've just had, it's hard to imagine what it could be. ]
[ It is a question, and one that she will feel obligated to ask until she knows the answer for sure one-hundred percent of the time. As for the place... there are a few that come to mind. Nothing she has planned here will put even a blip on the radar, but they will probably want to quieter areas of town. The extra noise might help cover her tracks, but if someone manages to detect anything and start poking around, she doesn't want to get caught when one of them is effectively blind. She thinks.
Oh, where was that place Brooks told her about? It has to be in a text somewhere. ]
Hold on, I'll send you the coordinates--ah, I mean where we'll be going. Just need to find it... aaaand... There!
[ He receives a map link via text directing him to a children's park in a nearby residential area. ]
You'll probably want to take your bike over there, since the nearest station is a bit of a hike. Shouldn't take me more than 20 minutes to get out there, but don't feel like you have to rush. Or come at all.
[ Hibiki you know he's going to be there as soon as he can, don't be like that. ]
[ A quick pause while he checks the address she sent. Talk about remote, eh? Not that he's surprised. After everything they've discussed, he can't imagine anything she'd want to show him would be meant for the eyes of the public. ]
Ah, got it. That's not far from where I'm staying.
[ And he's just going to bullrush over that last part because she's being silly. He knows it, she (probably) knows it. Why bother discussing it when he can make his way over and prove whatever's going on in her head wrong? ]
I'll see you in twenty, alright?
[ Case closed! He's on the bike, sans sidecar, and heading out within a few minutes. Unless she moves a few minutes faster than expected, there's a good chance he'll just manage to get parked prior to her arrival. ]
[ Or he could dispel any doubts she might have with a few words. She should probably trust him to have her back more than she does. ]
Alright, see you in twenty.
[ And it takes her about that long to make it there, even at the brisk pace she takes. It gives Hibiki just enough time to catch a case of the jitters and manage to bring herself down. This is fine, no need to be nervous. He deserves to know, and she's doing this in the safest way possible. Now if only her heartrate could keep up...
Reaching the park, she's dressed more casually than she usually is--hat, glasses and all. Seeing his bike parked, Hibiki refrains from her usual wave and simply makes her way over. It seems like he's been there for a few minutes, so if there is anyone else loitering around (there isn't), she trusts him to know. That he can tell, at least. ]
I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long. Shall we?
[ Hibiki nods her head toward the park, which is little more than a swing set, a small iron jungle gym and a few park benches about a block away from the main road. She even waits for him this time, no need to race here. ]
[ Which is true enough, even if he’d have said it regardless. Now that they’re face to face again, he’s not totally oblivious to the mild tension she’s carrying — anxiety, perhaps? Or simply a natural response to whatever it is she wants to talk about. It’s difficult to put his finger on, but it’s obvious that this isn’t the time for childish races or small talk.
Too bad, really. Those glasses are adorable. ]
You chose a good spot. It doesn’t seem like there’s anyone else around.
[ Anyone mundane, he means. Suzaku can only trust his senses so far when it comes to anything more. ]
It's a pretty quiet neighborhood, lots of families with kids. It's not one of my regular spots, but I'd rather not bring you to one of those. No offense.
[ She knows intellectually that Suzaku can hold his own against most things, but if someone tries to cause problems, she worries that his impressive combat skills would still be no match. Hibiki can defend herself; she isn't sure if she can look out for both of them.
Walking past him, she makes her way toward a small swing set, sitting down before cheerfully patting the swing next to her. ]
Come here. It'll be easier to show you if you're close. Although I guess I could do it too from where you're standing. [ A beat, as she puts on a chipper smile. ] Your choice!
[ If there’s a single point of pride that Suzaku takes in himself, it’s held within his capabilities as a soldier. The ability to be someone who can help, who can make a difference in a combat situation if nothing else. Her harmless comment doesn’t offend him, but… it stings. A little. An irrational, selfish (because this isn’t about him) sting, one he works hard to shove down as he steps toward the swing. ]
Whatever’s easiest is fine by me. Is there anything I should do besides watch?
[ He takes a seat with a smile that’s meant to be reassuring. Not his best effort, but it’s hindered by curiosity more than wounded ego. ]
[ The thing she's worried about, Suzaku, is either some yokai deciding today would be the day they would cause problems on purpose, or one of those... things. A spirit twisted and corrupted past the point of no return. Hibiki doesn't know if he would even see it before it had the chance to strike.
It isn't a slight against him—but she worries. He can defend himself against things he can see and perceive; she doesn't want to test how far that perception goes. ]
Oh, you think you're watching?
[ Turning her swing slightly so she's facing him, Hibiki holds her hand up vertically, palm toward him and fingers slightly spread apart. She offers him an equally reassuring smile, but there's a little something there. Like she's plotting something. ]
Put your hand up like this. Don't touch mine, keep a little space in-between them, okay?
[ An entirely valid and justified worry that completely fails to register. Don't worry, Hibiki. It's not you, it's him. A complex about usefulness and an inherent instinct towards devaluing other people's concern will do that.
... But, on the bright side, any lingering insult is thoroughly diminished by the instructions that follow. ]
O-okay. Like this?
[ He mirrors the gesture immediately, keeping a few inches of space between them. Is it unawareness of the potential plotting or an abundance of trust that explains the lack of hesitation? Who can say. ]
She probably should warn him first, but there's a non-small part of her that enjoys playing a little when she's able. Like now. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep, measured breath as the air between their hands starts to shift and move. Thread-like currents weave between his fingers, winding around them like an invisible cat's cradle. Gently swirling around both of their hands, the only evidence that this isn't his imagination is the way part of his shirt moves with the wind.
Opening her eyes, Hibiki smiles brightly at him. Pretty cool, huh? ]
[ Suzaku’s not sure what to expect. Amidst the curiosity, there’s an insignificant sliver of something he doesn’t want to label doubt. Not because he doesn’t believe her — that’s never been in question, even when common sense suggests it should have been. No, it’s not a lack of trust in her. It’s just… He’s never been exposed to the supernatural in a way that didn’t hurt. Even after coming to terms with Geass, it always remained alien. Unnatural. Part of him struggles to imagine that it could be otherwise.
But he’s wrong. ]
That’s amazing. It’s…
[ He trails off, eyes lit up in wonder. The feeling of the breeze isn’t natural, not exactly, though that could simply be perception. He knows who’s creating it, after all. But it’s also gentle, almost soothing. A far cry from his subconscious expectations.
Somewhere in the enthusiasm, a thought occurs. ]
I thought you were exaggerating before, when you talked about the wind. I never imagined you meant it literally.
[ That look of childlike wonderment is really cute but at the same time incredibly dangerous. She said she wasn't going to push using her power much more than this (and she won't, but oh is it tempting, even just to see his reaction), but she will need to find other ways to bring that side of him out again.
Grinning from ear to ear, Hibiki shrugs a bit. ]
But I'm always one-hundred percent serious, twenty-four seven. I thought you knew that by now. [ Punctuated with a thinly-veiled chuckle from her. Yeah, she's not convincing him of that.
Moving her fingers slightly as she smiles down at their hands, she lets the current thread its way around them, effectively connecting hers to Suzaku's. ]
This is just a taste of it of course. I've been experimenting with using it along with hand-to-hand combat, as a speed boost and a way to make any blows hit harder. It's pretty useful for throwing and grappling too, but I'm not as good at that yet.
[ Yeah, no. The first part prompts nothing except an amused grin before it slips away into something more thoughtful. He's still a bit enchanted with the sensation, but the soldier within Suzaku can't help but consider what she says next. It's not hard to see how this ability, however harmless it feels as it winds through his fingers, could be used combatively.
And given what he's so recently learned about her work, the offer comes naturally. ]
If you ever want to practice with it, we could spar. I don't mind getting tossed around. Not for a good cause, at least.
[ Light but sincere. He's plenty confident in his own strength (and ability to take a hit), regardless of any supernatural powers involved. ]
[ She shouldn't be surprised when he offers to help her with practicing a few new techniques, but it still causes her to blink a few times. Normally she would hesitate to accept just about anyone's offer, but they're far beyond the point of her believing that he's anything short of extraordinary. Powers or no, if anyone could take what she could throw at them...
Hibiki smiles easily, exhaling briefly before her eyes trail back up to his. ]
Hey, just because I can toss you around doesn't mean I want to. But...
[ Even tied together like they are, the flow of wind weaving between his fingers and hers, it doesn't feel like enough. Curling her fingers, she threads them between his so she can hold his hand. Her magic wrapping around both his and hers, it slowly dies down until there's nothing there at all. ]
Sparring would be fun. We can experiment with a couple of things to see what else works.
[ Like focusing her magic purely on another target, one she isn't in close proximity to. ]
I know. [ With a look towards their linked hands. ] I trust you.
[ Trusts her not to harbor a secret desire to throw him into walls at any rate. It goes further than that, of course, but the words come out lighter when he only thinks of the basics. Confidence or recklessness or some combination of the two makes this type of faith easily traded. The other kind — full of messy honesty and relationships that don't break under pressure — isn't something he believed he could still offer. It's a testament to Hibiki that she's gotten so close.
He brings his eyes back up, a soft laugh escaping him. ]
Is it strange to say I'm looking forward to it? I haven't sparred with anyone in ages. Well, not outside of a Knightmare.
[ A sentence that probably wouldn't make much sense even if the last word didn't sound exactly like 'nightmare'. After everything she's told him, it's hard to remember sometimes what they haven't shared. ]
[ There's a part of her that regrets keeping him in the dark as long as she did. Well, figuratively, since she has to often remind herself that he's only been in her life for a short amount of time. But it feels good to have someone she can finally talk to who isn't a colleague (sorry Brooks, but you're a dad and talking to you about this kind of stuff makes her feel weird).
But what he says is a little weird, even if she understands to an extent. She follows him until he mentions fighting in... a what? ]
A Knightmare? I'm not totally sure that counts, but I guess if you can learn languages while you sleep...
[ Maybe she didn't quite realize there was a silent K slipped in. ]
[ There's like, a good few seconds of silence before the pieces come together. Oh right... Somehow, after everything they've talked about, this is one subject that's been left alone. Which is funny, since it's almost innocuous in comparison. Parts of it, anyway. ]
Oh, no. That's a different type of Knightmare. [ A touch of fluster because he's never had to explain this before. ] Think of it like a "knight's mare" with a k at the beginning. They're a type of weapon back home.
[ Even if it's an innocent mistake, she looks a bit flustered herself when he corrects her. That's right, the two of them exist in practically different worlds, so not knowing about some things makes sense. It doesn't make her any less embarrassed about the mistake, however. ]
A knight's mare... [ Hmm. ] Is it something you ride then?
[ It would make sense, but she's having a hard time imagining that... ]
Exactly. Their official designation is "Humanoid Autonomous Armored Knight". [ What a longwinded way of saying giant robot ] Ah, but almost no one calls them that. They're just Knightmares or KMFs.
[ Wait a minute. There's an easy solution to this confusion. He reaches down and grabs his phone, fingers shifting across the screen as he filters through an endless sea of cat pictures. Arthur sleeping, Arthur chewing on his fingers, Arthur and the student council... Oh, here we go. ]
See? This is Lancelot.
[ With a fond tone that may fit better if he was referring to a cat rather than a 9.12 ton weapon of mass destruction, he holds out the phone to show this. ]
[ Humanoid Autonomous Armored Knight... Wow, that's a mouthful, she can completely understand why no one would call them that, and as he flips through countless photos of Arthur (why is he so cute), Hibiki leans in close to get a better look. She can't even begin to imagine what something with such a long and confusing name would look like.
But Lancelot isn't quite it. Her eyes widen as she stares at the mecha he affectionately calls by name. Suddenly a few things that he's said or eluded to make sense (like the number of deaths he told her). She sits in silence for a moment. ]
...I didn't think something like that was real.
[ Says the woman who can use magic and has run into any number of supernatural individuals over the past few months. ]
Still, the playfulness is short-lived. When it comes down to it, Lancelot is a weapon. One capable of absurd amounts of destruction. No matter how much he enjoys piloting, or how he feels more at home in the cockpit than he does anywhere else — his own skin included, most of the time — doesn't change those simple facts. He's not unaware of the dissonance, enjoying something that simply shouldn't need to exist. Wouldn't have to in a better world. Then again, isn't the same true for him?
His smile fades, traded out for solemnity as he puts the phone away. ]
Where I'm from, they've nearly replaced tanks and other tools of warfare. It was a big change. Revolutionary, I guess.
[ Like a nuclear bomb. Or a F.L.E.I.J.A. Simultaneously, a feat for science and a crime against humanity. ]
[ She doesn't have to be a clairvoyant to know what's coming next, and as the smile on his face drains away, left with a heavy expression she knows too well, her countenance sobers as well. Drawing her swing back, she stands there for a moment as he confirms a few things and she has to remind herself that he's a soldier. Someone responsible for an amount of destruction she can't even fathom.
Staring up at the sky, Hibiki chooses her words carefully. The next thing she says is important, and she wants to make sure she gets it right. ]
You know, I used to think that peace isn't brought about by fighting, but by people coming together and agreeing not to fight. That being able to talk it out, finding a way to be able to converse and have a conversation with one another would solve a lot of the world's problems. I still want to believe that's true to a degree, but I've realized that it doesn't mean anything if someone isn't willing to make that effort. If they would much rather cause more pain and suffering rather than trying to find a peaceful solution to conflict.
I won't ask you why you fight; something like that's a very private thing.
[ Letting go of her swing, it does a wide arch before she stops it during the back swing. Twisting the chain so she can face him, she reaches out for his hand this time. ]
But I feel like I know you well enough to know that using a Knightmare is necessary to fight how you need to, in order to do what is right. Because that's the type of person you are, Suzaku-kun.
[ Not Kururugi. It feels a little weird calling him that, after all they've shared ]
[ There’s not a single part of what she says that doesn’t resonate. Up to and including her original idea of peace, ironic as his agreement would be. Still, none of it compares to how her final words hit. As kind as they are, it strikes like a physical blow and he goes still under their weight. His voice, when it finally comes out, is tight and contained. Controlled by necessity. ]
You have a lot of faith in me, Hibiki. [ One-ups her use of first names by dropping the honorifics altogether! Completely unintentionally, mind you. He’s just too caught up in the messy swirl of feelings inspired by that same faith to keep formality in mind. ] And I wouldn't have minded if you'd asked. You should know that… For a long time, what I was fighting for wasn’t right.
[ Putting words to something he’s known for ages and never said out loud is painful, almost physically so. He looks away, letting his eyes drift away from her face and focusing instead on where their hands meet. After a breath, he continues on in the same tone. ]
When I was a kid, I did— [ A wince ] —I did something terrible. And for years, all I wanted to do was make up for it. Find a way to atone. It's why I enlisted. To try and save people, to prevent more lives from being lost.
[ Mostly, he'd been trying to die. A detail he has no interest in burdening her with. That's not what this is about. ]
It was naïve and childish. Nothing I did changed anything. Not for the better, at least. I was just ignoring my own responsibility, following orders and acting like that made it justice. [ There's a world of self-disgust held in that single word. ] My goals have changed since then. There's a chance to fix things, for real this time. But...
[ None of that changes his culpability. Nor the idea that, throughout everything — the teasing, the phone calls, the date — Suzaku's never been able to shake the feeling that he's lying to her. By omission maybe, but a lie nonetheless. Because if she knew the truth, knew and understood it, then none of it would have happened in the first place.
He raises his head and meets her eyes once more. ]
That's the kind of person I really am. You have a right to know that.
Edited (this tag took a million years and still had typos fml) Date: 2022-10-13 02:39 am (UTC)
[ Somehow, through his explanation, Hibiki manages to maintain a neutral expression on her face as he speaks. It's a practiced look to be sure, but where she would normally use this when she doesn't want someone to see plainly how she is feeling, this time is different. She wants to hear everything he has to say in full before reserving judgment.
And it's abundantly clear that he assumes she will cut this off. That she would see him as a monster, a tool of destruction rather than a human being.
What this does is put some things into context, the conversation that shifted their friendship into something more. The millions of lives lost. The desperate need to atone for sins from the past. There is so much weight on this man's shoulders that she isn't sure how he hasn't buckled underneath it a long time ago. Seeing even a part of it laid bare, hearing it in his voice and seeing it in the way that he holds himself... She would act the same way, if their roles were reversed.
And she knows exactly how to react.
Pulling her hand away, Hibiki moves closer to him (as close as she can with these swings at least). Reaching in, she draws him close, arms hooking underneath his as she pulls him into tight embrace. Her head resting near his shoulder, she doesn't say a word, letting a comforting silence wrap around them as long as he needs. She doesn't have the words to reassure him, if those even exist, but the least she can do is show him that she isn't going anywhere. ]
[ Her reaction is… Heh, surprising isn’t the right word exactly. Not when she's always been the furthest thing from predictable. And not when he can barely imagine what reaction to hope for, let alone to expect. Even so, there’s an unmistakable tension as she begins the embrace, one that’s slow to fade. Rejection would be easier. Or, no. Simpler. A pain he's equipped to handle at least. ]
You’re so stubborn.
[ The words slip out, small and bracketed with a weak approximation of a laugh — hollowed of mirth or joy. But maybe, just maybe, there’s something very close to relief skirting around the edges.
Because, in the end, believing someone should leave and wishing they would aren't all that similar, are they? ]
I’m sorry. I wanted you to know, but... This isn't how I wanted to say it. [ Like there's a preferred method of dumping this on anyone? ] And it wasn't for sympathy or forgiveness. I just needed to tell you the truth, before things went any further. Then you wouldn't have to find out when it was too late to...
[ Easily disengage. Run for the hills. Whatever you want to call it. It doesn't matter, since he's not foolish enough to see this contact as anything except the very opposite. A declaration he can neither misinterpret nor understand.
One that he, with painstaking slowness, begins to relax into. ]
[ He isn't the only one to chuckle at that comment--because yes, she is incredibly stubborn. Foolishly so at times, or at times like this, when common sense says to back off. To find some way to disengage and distance herself. But this is important to her. He is important, in a way that belies the amount of time they've known each other.
Shaking her head against him, a part of her genuinely debates putting a hand to his mouth. He doesn't need to justify it, not when, how (or if) he was going to tell her. She's glad he did, for sure, and there are some things that are still worrying, but... ]
I wouldn't. And I won't.
[ Said definitively, in a warm, hushed tone. She's lost so many people in her life, and while he isn't without sin, there is something important that he doesn't seem to be factoring into the mix. As he begins to relax in her embrace, Hibiki exhales deeply, letting the two sit in silence for a moment.
(Even if the situation isn't ideal... this is nice. Holding him like this.)
Hibiki doesn't let the quiet linger for too long before speaking up, her voice quiet but strong in its conviction. ]
We can't change the past, no matter how much we want to. But I understand why you did what you did. I probably would have done the same, if I was in your position. But instead of continuing that path forward and ignoring the repercussions, you want to make things right. So I stand by what I said, even if you might not believe it yourself. And I'll stand by you, if you'll still let me.
[ Spoken fondly, because that same stubbornness is what’s led them this far. Maybe he doesn’t deserve this, but he can't bring himself to begrudge it either.
He lifts up an arm to wind around her shoulders, finally returning some small portion of the embrace. It’s… a little awkward, for reasons that have less to do with the situation and everything to do with their choice of location. Turns out swings aren't the ideal location for emotional revelations and snuggles. It doesn't stop him from pulling her a shade closer, tightening the hold before starting to shift away. ]
Anyway, I wasn't trying to chase you away. [ Mostly. ] I just... I don't want you to avoid asking questions. If we're going to be friends or—[ This is so not the time for that conversation. ]—Or anything else, I want us to be honest. Even when it's ugly.
[ He's learned the consequences of building a relationship out of convenient lies. It's not pretty. This particular level of baggage is probably left for a fifth (or fiftieth?) date in most cases, but it's not like anything about them has ever been typical. ]
[ Swings are a horrible place for a heartfelt embrace, made evident as he pulls her partially off her own to pull her in tighter. It's awkward, uncomfortable--not unlike parts of this conversation--but still leaves her feeling weightless nevertheless. The wave of relief she feels is unexpected, but still present and strong. She isn't going anywhere.
And neither is he. That's the important part.
As he pulls away, she (begrudgingly) lets him, drawing back as well. Her hands running down his arms until they find his hands, Hibiki threads her fingers between his. Her eyes briefly lowered, the smile that paints her lips is bittersweet. Relieved but wistful, and surprisingly uncertain. 'Anything else,' huh? If he wants her to be honest... ]
Even if you tried, I'm come running after you. I don't care how hard or ugly things can be, you're important to me. And I don't--
[ "I don't want to be left alone again."
Bringing their hands together, cupping hers around his, Hibiki's usual confidence seems like it's a world away. But he did say he wanted them to be honest with each other, right? Well... ]
So, no secrets. No shying away from difficult or ugly things because you're afraid what the other person might think. Because I want to still be friends... and anything else.
Edited (formatting) Date: 2022-10-20 01:19 am (UTC)
[ Suboptimal cuddling position or not, Suzaku almost regrets pulling away as soon as the words I’d have come running after you leave her mouth. Displays of devotion are hard to handle at the best of times. Following a conversation that’s left him as raw and untethered as this one has, it’s a miracle he hasn’t already teared up. As it is, the blink that follows is suspiciously watery. ]
Me too. I’m not saying we need to talk about everything right now. That’s impossible.
[ Knowing someone in their entirety is a nice dream, but… That’s all it is. He rejected a world without lies once, after all. Whether it’s secrets that don’t belong to anyone besides yourself or truths that can only be revealed over time, promising honesty is just a starting point. He’s not expecting her to bare her soul immediately anymore than he’s ready to do the same. Besides, between her abilities and his sins, they’ve probably reached a proverbial limit on sincerity.
Smiling takes effort and his attempt is small, subdued in comparison to the usual expressions Hibiki provokes. ]
But it goes both ways. If there’s ever anything you want to say, I’ll listen. No matter what it is. You’re important to me too, Hibiki.
[ And this time, the lapse in formalities is completely intentional. ]
[ And to think it was a simple text that started this chain reaction. If not for that, they probably would have stayed how they were on their first date--two kids enjoying a moment of levity to distract from the weight they both separately carried. They might have eventually found this road at some point, but she isn't quite sure.
But this feels more genuine and real; a starting place to a destination unknown. How else could she describe it? There's bound to be bumps along the way, hiccups and fumbles as they both figure out what this new normal will be for the both of them. No secrets, no lies--and for her, no hiding behind a bright smile and a bit of bravado. And as he smiles at her, delicate and subdued in spite of the words that follow it, she finds herself caught in their warmth, with no escape in sight.
Pulling her hands away from his, Hibiki stands up, moving very slowly and deliberately to stand in front of him. Those same hands hesitate as she crouches down a bit before finding purchase on his shoulders. Careful of the swing's chain, she brings her head closer to his before gingerly resting her temple near his before speaking softly. ]
Can... can you say that again? I don't think I heard you.
[ ...Idiot, why'd you have to wear a hat when all it's going to do is get in the way? It's not like anybody would recognize her all the way out here anyway. Ah well, too late now. ]
[ If there’s one thing that surprises him about this conversation, it’s how much less painful the experience has been compared to his expectations. It hurts, of course, but Suzaku finds it more reminiscent of a wound in the process of lancing than a fresh one being inflicted. Bracing and freeing in equal measure. Exhausting but necessary, almost refreshing despite the raw nature of it.
A feeling that grows, along with his smile, at her request. ]
In that case… [ After a pause, just long enough to tease. ] You’re important to me, Hibiki.
[ Words emphasized as he leans in, resting his head more firmly against hers briefly, before he speaks again. Sure, he could follow along to the letter and leave it there, but where's the fun in that? ]
I’ve never met anyone quite like you. You’re an amazing person. You're beautiful, strong, and... I'm just. So grateful that we got to meet. I know I've said that before, but it's true.
[ Look, he could keep going. But considering her usual reaction to praise, he's already a little worried what reaction he's going to get. ]
[ Hearing him repeat himself, the words ripple through her; and if he left it at that, Hibiki would have been more than content. But he doesn't stop there, leaning in before continuing his assault. Without realizing, she holds her breath as he pays her compliment after compliment, her heart fluttering all the while.
Suzaku, that's too much. How is she supposed to respond to that? Her heart can't take this.
As he punctuated his heartfelt declaration with a cheeky quip, she realizes what she needs to do. Pulling away briefly, eyes closed as she exhales slowly, Hibiki takes her hat off. Taking a brief moment to gaze into deep greens (he really does have beautiful eyes, how did she not notice this before now), she closes her eyes once more before leaning in for a kiss.
For a woman who claims she talks too much, she certainly is quick to let her actions speak for her.]
[ He's not quite oblivious enough to miss where this is going — experience has taught him that much, at least. So there's no excuse for how long it takes him to react. Besides the desire to indulge in a look of his own. She's gorgeous, of course. He said it a moment ago in complete sincerity, has known it from the very first time they met, but proximity makes that fact no less striking.
Especially with her hair fluffed up, courtesy of the hat's removal, and her eyes closed in concentration before the approach. Looking for all the world like a regular teenager when she's anything but. Or maybe, in this moment, she is. Maybe they both are.
Suzaku reaches up to rest one hand alongside her cheek, cupping it as he leans in to meet her a little shy of halfway, head titled to keep their noses from colliding. It's gentle, almost cautious. She's the one who started this, after all. He's got no problem letting her decide where it leads. ]
[ She expects this to be somewhat brief, chaste and one-sided; and if she had given herself time to think beforehand, she might have decided against it. It's a balancing act of what she wants versus what is considered appropriate. But he surprises her yet again, resting a hand on her cheek before closing the small gap between them. Relaxing under his touch, Hibiki places a hand on his shoulder before leaning into the kiss.
Even if she's not quite sure what she's doing, that's okay. She's allowed to be a regular teenager every once in a while; and if anyone has shown her that, it would be him. And more than anything, she wants him to feel the same way.
After a few long (yet short) minutes, she breaks away. Hibiki doesn't move far away, letting her forehead rest against his as her eyes flutter open. She lets out an airy giggle, a bit unsure but giddy at the same time. The temptation to kiss him again and again, to lose herself in the warmth of it once again is there, but she fights against it. For now. Speaking in a whisper, her fingers idly trace shapeless lines on his shoulder. ]
[ As if this night hasn’t been enough of a rollercoaster. It’s been a long time — like, years long — since he’s kissed anyone. And, well… Even if that wasn’t the case, it still wouldn’t be the same. It can’t be. Not when he’s never been with anyone like Hibiki before, no one who he’s felt this much towards. He assumed it would be different, but. Maybe he underestimated just how true that would be.
Let’s just say she’s not the only one left feeling giddy, or a touch more breathless than the activity warrants.
Suzaku keeps his hand where it was for another few seconds, thumb stroking against soft skin, before he speaks with a laugh of his own. ]
I’m not complaining.
[ In the end, he is a teenage boy. Hard as that may be to believe. ]
[ This whole relationship (or whatever this is, she isn't sure) has been a bit of a roller coaster, so why should this be any different? He isn't her first, but there's something about this that feels unlike what she's had before. Bubbly and bright, and incredibly heartfelt in equal measures. It's hard to say where things will go from here, but she doesn't want this feeling to end.
God, even the way he laughs while delicately running his thumb across her cheek leaves her feeling weightless. Suzaku's right, he is dangerous--and if she isn't careful, she's going to fall hard. If she hasn't already.
Blue-gray eyes briefly flitting downward before she lets her hand slowly trail its way up to the base of his neck, Hibiki grins brightly. ]
[ This time, Suzaku's the one to lean in, closing the miniscule gap between their faces, inching nearer and nearer... before he bumps his nose against hers playfully.
He can't remember the last time he felt this light. It's easy to let the the feeling wash over him, in spite or because of how disparate those emotions are from the rest of the evening. As if they're from two different worlds. ]
I don't know. Can you?
[ Hibiki's not the only brat in this relationship. He's happy to match her beat for beat. Even if he has to resist the urge to lean back towards her touch, far from unaffected by the gentle path of her hand. As contact goes, it's less intense than the previous embraces, but made just as overwhelming by the casual intimacy behind the gesture. ]
[ Hibiki closes her eyes in anticipation, only to have him bump his nose with hers playfully. She opens her eyes, puffing out her cheeks with a huff. ]
Maybe I won't, if you're gonna tease me like that.
[ It's an empty threat, but one she's more than happy to play up to fit the mood. Because it has been an intense conversation, with a lot about each other coming to light. And its because of that that Hibiki decides to indulge a little.
But she is never going to tell him that she likes that side of him that likes to tease. Some secrets are best left undiscovered—not like she's doing a good job at hiding it. ]
[ Maybe the previous parts of their conversation weren't quite as painful as expected, but it's impossible to deny how much easier slipping into playfulness is. She's always brought out this side in him, since the very first day they met, and he's never been more grateful for it. Considering everything else they've covered, this is downright refreshing. Even if it is uncharted territory in its own right. ]
Then I'd just have to be the one to kiss you, isn't that right?
[ And if she allows it, that's exactly what he'll do. Without jokes this time around. ]
[ Will she allow it? Please—she encourages it, a smug grin on her face. There's something about his playful side that she can't resist, and she can't help but try to pull it out whenever possible. It's a reminder that, despite the weight on their shoulders, they're both still teenagers. ]
But what if—
[ Nope, she doesn't get to finish that thought. Thief, scoundrel, how dare he steal a kiss after broadcasting his intent. She's going to match him in kind, of course, make him have to reflect on his actions. ]
[ What is he getting on about? Review her texts for what? She's not being bold, she's being honest ]
not soju this time!! (𓌻‸𓌻)
and what? the fact that you're a great guy and people are totally blind if I'm the only one who sees it you're at the ramen place pretty much whenever you're not in the field so it's not like they don't see you honestly that kinda pisses me off 💢
[ Did she miss the part where she made it very clear what kind of luck she's had or is she just ignoring that fact? ]
[ About two to three to be exact, because she needs a refill. ]
I know you don't mean like that though but I really want that for you, somebody's gonna be really lucky to have you I'll try not to get too jealous over here
white Russian! it's really good I'll make you one some time or if you wanna come over I can make another now/span>
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@knightof (tfln)
Date: 2022-09-29 08:43 pm (UTC)What does that say about her that all she wants to do is rest her head on his shoulder and let herself be a little vulnerable for once? To want to let him in just a little bit? ]
...Mmn, I'll do that. And it's okay, I'm still figuring things out myself. I've just got skills that work well with the kind of work I do, but it's still really new to me too.
[ Hibiki pauses as she debates something in her mind. It's not too late, just a little bit after nightfall. Hmm. ]
What are you doing right now? Are you busy?
no subject
Date: 2022-09-29 09:31 pm (UTC)And yet, isn't it the opposite for her? The details are different, certainly, but it still makes him wonder what could have been if things had gone ever so slightly sidewise. ]
—Hm?
[ Amidst the aimless wandering thoughts, it takes a second for the question to register. ]
Ah, sorry. I was... [ spacing out? ] But no, I'm not busy. Why? Did you want to meet up?
no subject
Date: 2022-09-29 11:22 pm (UTC)Trust him, Hibiki. She probably just fried his brain a little. ]
I mean, if you're okay with that. [ Stop. He's the one that suggested it first. ] There's something I should probably show you, now that you know my big secret.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-30 02:14 am (UTC)Of course I'm okay with it.
[ Was that ever in question? ]
Did you have a place in mind?
no subject
Date: 2022-09-30 02:34 am (UTC)Oh, where was that place Brooks told her about? It has to be in a text somewhere. ]
Hold on, I'll send you the coordinates--ah, I mean where we'll be going. Just need to find it... aaaand... There!
[ He receives a map link via text directing him to a children's park in a nearby residential area. ]
You'll probably want to take your bike over there, since the nearest station is a bit of a hike. Shouldn't take me more than 20 minutes to get out there, but don't feel like you have to rush. Or come at all.
[ Hibiki you know he's going to be there as soon as he can, don't be like that. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-30 03:18 am (UTC)Ah, got it. That's not far from where I'm staying.
[ And he's just going to bullrush over that last part because she's being silly. He knows it, she (probably) knows it. Why bother discussing it when he can make his way over and prove whatever's going on in her head wrong? ]
I'll see you in twenty, alright?
[ Case closed! He's on the bike, sans sidecar, and heading out within a few minutes. Unless she moves a few minutes faster than expected, there's a good chance he'll just manage to get parked prior to her arrival. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-30 04:01 am (UTC)Alright, see you in twenty.
[ And it takes her about that long to make it there, even at the brisk pace she takes. It gives Hibiki just enough time to catch a case of the jitters and manage to bring herself down. This is fine, no need to be nervous. He deserves to know, and she's doing this in the safest way possible. Now if only her heartrate could keep up...
Reaching the park, she's dressed more casually than she usually is--hat, glasses and all. Seeing his bike parked, Hibiki refrains from her usual wave and simply makes her way over. It seems like he's been there for a few minutes, so if there is anyone else loitering around (there isn't), she trusts him to know. That he can tell, at least. ]
I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long. Shall we?
[ Hibiki nods her head toward the park, which is little more than a swing set, a small iron jungle gym and a few park benches about a block away from the main road. She even waits for him this time, no need to race here. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-03 04:22 pm (UTC)[ Which is true enough, even if he’d have said it regardless. Now that they’re face to face again, he’s not totally oblivious to the mild tension she’s carrying — anxiety, perhaps? Or simply a natural response to whatever it is she wants to talk about. It’s difficult to put his finger on, but it’s obvious that this isn’t the time for childish races or small talk.
Too bad, really. Those glasses are adorable. ]
You chose a good spot. It doesn’t seem like there’s anyone else around.
[ Anyone mundane, he means. Suzaku can only trust his senses so far when it comes to anything more. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-03 04:35 pm (UTC)[ She knows intellectually that Suzaku can hold his own against most things, but if someone tries to cause problems, she worries that his impressive combat skills would still be no match. Hibiki can defend herself; she isn't sure if she can look out for both of them.
Walking past him, she makes her way toward a small swing set, sitting down before cheerfully patting the swing next to her. ]
Come here. It'll be easier to show you if you're close. Although I guess I could do it too from where you're standing. [ A beat, as she puts on a chipper smile. ] Your choice!
no subject
Date: 2022-10-03 06:50 pm (UTC)[ If there’s a single point of pride that Suzaku takes in himself, it’s held within his capabilities as a soldier. The ability to be someone who can help, who can make a difference in a combat situation if nothing else. Her harmless comment doesn’t offend him, but… it stings. A little. An irrational, selfish (because this isn’t about him) sting, one he works hard to shove down as he steps toward the swing. ]
Whatever’s easiest is fine by me. Is there anything I should do besides watch?
[ He takes a seat with a smile that’s meant to be reassuring. Not his best effort, but it’s hindered by curiosity more than wounded ego. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-03 07:31 pm (UTC)It isn't a slight against him—but she worries. He can defend himself against things he can see and perceive; she doesn't want to test how far that perception goes. ]
Oh, you think you're watching?
[ Turning her swing slightly so she's facing him, Hibiki holds her hand up vertically, palm toward him and fingers slightly spread apart. She offers him an equally reassuring smile, but there's a little something there. Like she's plotting something. ]
Put your hand up like this. Don't touch mine, keep a little space in-between them, okay?
no subject
Date: 2022-10-03 08:13 pm (UTC)... But, on the bright side, any lingering insult is thoroughly diminished by the instructions that follow. ]
O-okay. Like this?
[ He mirrors the gesture immediately, keeping a few inches of space between them. Is it unawareness of the potential plotting or an abundance of trust that explains the lack of hesitation? Who can say. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-04 05:03 pm (UTC)She probably should warn him first, but there's a non-small part of her that enjoys playing a little when she's able. Like now. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep, measured breath as the air between their hands starts to shift and move. Thread-like currents weave between his fingers, winding around them like an invisible cat's cradle. Gently swirling around both of their hands, the only evidence that this isn't his imagination is the way part of his shirt moves with the wind.
Opening her eyes, Hibiki smiles brightly at him. Pretty cool, huh? ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-04 06:12 pm (UTC)But he’s wrong. ]
That’s amazing. It’s…
[ He trails off, eyes lit up in wonder. The feeling of the breeze isn’t natural, not exactly, though that could simply be perception. He knows who’s creating it, after all. But it’s also gentle, almost soothing. A far cry from his subconscious expectations.
Somewhere in the enthusiasm, a thought occurs. ]
I thought you were exaggerating before, when you talked about the wind. I never imagined you meant it literally.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-05 05:51 am (UTC)Grinning from ear to ear, Hibiki shrugs a bit. ]
But I'm always one-hundred percent serious, twenty-four seven. I thought you knew that by now. [ Punctuated with a thinly-veiled chuckle from her. Yeah, she's not convincing him of that.
Moving her fingers slightly as she smiles down at their hands, she lets the current thread its way around them, effectively connecting hers to Suzaku's. ]
This is just a taste of it of course. I've been experimenting with using it along with hand-to-hand combat, as a speed boost and a way to make any blows hit harder. It's pretty useful for throwing and grappling too, but I'm not as good at that yet.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-06 01:43 am (UTC)And given what he's so recently learned about her work, the offer comes naturally. ]
If you ever want to practice with it, we could spar. I don't mind getting tossed around. Not for a good cause, at least.
[ Light but sincere. He's plenty confident in his own strength (and ability to take a hit), regardless of any supernatural powers involved. ]
I can't believe this boy just said go ahead and yeet me nbd
Date: 2022-10-06 07:31 am (UTC)Hibiki smiles easily, exhaling briefly before her eyes trail back up to his. ]
Hey, just because I can toss you around doesn't mean I want to. But...
[ Even tied together like they are, the flow of wind weaving between his fingers and hers, it doesn't feel like enough. Curling her fingers, she threads them between his so she can hold his hand. Her magic wrapping around both his and hers, it slowly dies down until there's nothing there at all. ]
Sparring would be fun. We can experiment with a couple of things to see what else works.
[ Like focusing her magic purely on another target, one she isn't in close proximity to. ]
s-sob see keywords
Date: 2022-10-06 07:05 pm (UTC)[ Trusts her not to harbor a secret desire to throw him into walls at any rate. It goes further than that, of course, but the words come out lighter when he only thinks of the basics. Confidence or recklessness or some combination of the two makes this type of faith easily traded. The other kind — full of messy honesty and relationships that don't break under pressure — isn't something he believed he could still offer. It's a testament to Hibiki that she's gotten so close.
He brings his eyes back up, a soft laugh escaping him. ]
Is it strange to say I'm looking forward to it? I haven't sparred with anyone in ages. Well, not outside of a Knightmare.
[ A sentence that probably wouldn't make much sense even if the last word didn't sound exactly like 'nightmare'. After everything she's told him, it's hard to remember sometimes what they haven't shared. ]
so what you're saying is he WANTS to get yeeted, got it! ❤️
Date: 2022-10-07 03:27 am (UTC)But what he says is a little weird, even if she understands to an extent. She follows him until he mentions fighting in... a what? ]
A Knightmare? I'm not totally sure that counts, but I guess if you can learn languages while you sleep...
[ Maybe she didn't quite realize there was a silent K slipped in. ]
well i'm not <i>not</i> saying that
Date: 2022-10-07 07:48 pm (UTC)[ There's like, a good few seconds of silence before the pieces come together. Oh right... Somehow, after everything they've talked about, this is one subject that's been left alone. Which is funny, since it's almost innocuous in comparison. Parts of it, anyway. ]
Oh, no. That's a different type of Knightmare. [ A touch of fluster because he's never had to explain this before. ] Think of it like a "knight's mare" with a k at the beginning. They're a type of weapon back home.
[ What a helpful and detailed description. ]
whelp, goodbye Suzaku I guess
Date: 2022-10-08 04:55 pm (UTC)A knight's mare... [ Hmm. ] Is it something you ride then?
[ It would make sense, but she's having a hard time imagining that... ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-11 02:51 pm (UTC)[ Wait a minute. There's an easy solution to this confusion. He reaches down and grabs his phone, fingers shifting across the screen as he filters through an endless sea of cat pictures. Arthur sleeping, Arthur chewing on his fingers, Arthur and the student council... Oh, here we go. ]
See? This is Lancelot.
[ With a fond tone that may fit better if he was referring to a cat rather than a 9.12 ton weapon of mass destruction, he holds out the phone to show this. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-11 07:39 pm (UTC)But Lancelot isn't quite it. Her eyes widen as she stares at the mecha he affectionately calls by name. Suddenly a few things that he's said or eluded to make sense (like the number of deaths he told her). She sits in silence for a moment. ]
...I didn't think something like that was real.
[ Says the woman who can use magic and has run into any number of supernatural individuals over the past few months. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-11 08:30 pm (UTC)[ Turnabout is fair play, right?
Still, the playfulness is short-lived. When it comes down to it, Lancelot is a weapon. One capable of absurd amounts of destruction. No matter how much he enjoys piloting, or how he feels more at home in the cockpit than he does anywhere else — his own skin included, most of the time — doesn't change those simple facts. He's not unaware of the dissonance, enjoying something that simply shouldn't need to exist. Wouldn't have to in a better world. Then again, isn't the same true for him?
His smile fades, traded out for solemnity as he puts the phone away. ]
Where I'm from, they've nearly replaced tanks and other tools of warfare. It was a big change. Revolutionary, I guess.
[ Like a nuclear bomb. Or a F.L.E.I.J.A. Simultaneously, a feat for science and a crime against humanity. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-12 05:34 am (UTC)[ She doesn't have to be a clairvoyant to know what's coming next, and as the smile on his face drains away, left with a heavy expression she knows too well, her countenance sobers as well. Drawing her swing back, she stands there for a moment as he confirms a few things and she has to remind herself that he's a soldier. Someone responsible for an amount of destruction she can't even fathom.
Staring up at the sky, Hibiki chooses her words carefully. The next thing she says is important, and she wants to make sure she gets it right. ]
You know, I used to think that peace isn't brought about by fighting, but by people coming together and agreeing not to fight. That being able to talk it out, finding a way to be able to converse and have a conversation with one another would solve a lot of the world's problems. I still want to believe that's true to a degree, but I've realized that it doesn't mean anything if someone isn't willing to make that effort. If they would much rather cause more pain and suffering rather than trying to find a peaceful solution to conflict.
I won't ask you why you fight; something like that's a very private thing.
[ Letting go of her swing, it does a wide arch before she stops it during the back swing. Twisting the chain so she can face him, she reaches out for his hand this time. ]
But I feel like I know you well enough to know that using a Knightmare is necessary to fight how you need to, in order to do what is right. Because that's the type of person you are, Suzaku-kun.
[ Not Kururugi. It feels a little weird calling him that, after all they've shared ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-12 08:19 pm (UTC)You have a lot of faith in me, Hibiki. [ One-ups her use of first names by dropping the honorifics altogether! Completely unintentionally, mind you. He’s just too caught up in the messy swirl of feelings inspired by that same faith to keep formality in mind. ] And I wouldn't have minded if you'd asked. You should know that… For a long time, what I was fighting for wasn’t right.
[ Putting words to something he’s known for ages and never said out loud is painful, almost physically so. He looks away, letting his eyes drift away from her face and focusing instead on where their hands meet. After a breath, he continues on in the same tone. ]
When I was a kid, I did— [ A wince ] —I did something terrible. And for years, all I wanted to do was make up for it. Find a way to atone. It's why I enlisted. To try and save people, to prevent more lives from being lost.
[ Mostly, he'd been trying to die. A detail he has no interest in burdening her with. That's not what this is about. ]
It was naïve and childish. Nothing I did changed anything. Not for the better, at least. I was just ignoring my own responsibility, following orders and acting like that made it justice. [ There's a world of self-disgust held in that single word. ] My goals have changed since then. There's a chance to fix things, for real this time. But...
[ None of that changes his culpability. Nor the idea that, throughout everything — the teasing, the phone calls, the date — Suzaku's never been able to shake the feeling that he's lying to her. By omission maybe, but a lie nonetheless. Because if she knew the truth, knew and understood it, then none of it would have happened in the first place.
He raises his head and meets her eyes once more. ]
That's the kind of person I really am. You have a right to know that.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-14 04:45 pm (UTC)And it's abundantly clear that he assumes she will cut this off. That she would see him as a monster, a tool of destruction rather than a human being.
What this does is put some things into context, the conversation that shifted their friendship into something more. The millions of lives lost. The desperate need to atone for sins from the past. There is so much weight on this man's shoulders that she isn't sure how he hasn't buckled underneath it a long time ago. Seeing even a part of it laid bare, hearing it in his voice and seeing it in the way that he holds himself... She would act the same way, if their roles were reversed.
And she knows exactly how to react.
Pulling her hand away, Hibiki moves closer to him (as close as she can with these swings at least). Reaching in, she draws him close, arms hooking underneath his as she pulls him into tight embrace. Her head resting near his shoulder, she doesn't say a word, letting a comforting silence wrap around them as long as he needs. She doesn't have the words to reassure him, if those even exist, but the least she can do is show him that she isn't going anywhere. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-14 06:44 pm (UTC)You’re so stubborn.
[ The words slip out, small and bracketed with a weak approximation of a laugh — hollowed of mirth or joy. But maybe, just maybe, there’s something very close to relief skirting around the edges.
Because, in the end, believing someone should leave and wishing they would aren't all that similar, are they? ]
I’m sorry. I wanted you to know, but... This isn't how I wanted to say it. [ Like there's a preferred method of dumping this on anyone? ] And it wasn't for sympathy or forgiveness. I just needed to tell you the truth, before things went any further. Then you wouldn't have to find out when it was too late to...
[ Easily disengage. Run for the hills. Whatever you want to call it. It doesn't matter, since he's not foolish enough to see this contact as anything except the very opposite. A declaration he can neither misinterpret nor understand.
One that he, with painstaking slowness, begins to relax into. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-14 07:15 pm (UTC)Shaking her head against him, a part of her genuinely debates putting a hand to his mouth. He doesn't need to justify it, not when, how (or if) he was going to tell her. She's glad he did, for sure, and there are some things that are still worrying, but... ]
I wouldn't. And I won't.
[ Said definitively, in a warm, hushed tone. She's lost so many people in her life, and while he isn't without sin, there is something important that he doesn't seem to be factoring into the mix. As he begins to relax in her embrace, Hibiki exhales deeply, letting the two sit in silence for a moment.
(Even if the situation isn't ideal... this is nice. Holding him like this.)
Hibiki doesn't let the quiet linger for too long before speaking up, her voice quiet but strong in its conviction. ]
We can't change the past, no matter how much we want to. But I understand why you did what you did. I probably would have done the same, if I was in your position. But instead of continuing that path forward and ignoring the repercussions, you want to make things right. So I stand by what I said, even if you might not believe it yourself. And I'll stand by you, if you'll still let me.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-19 05:45 pm (UTC)[ Spoken fondly, because that same stubbornness is what’s led them this far. Maybe he doesn’t deserve this, but he can't bring himself to begrudge it either.
He lifts up an arm to wind around her shoulders, finally returning some small portion of the embrace. It’s… a little awkward, for reasons that have less to do with the situation and everything to do with their choice of location. Turns out swings aren't the ideal location for emotional revelations and snuggles. It doesn't stop him from pulling her a shade closer, tightening the hold before starting to shift away. ]
Anyway, I wasn't trying to chase you away. [ Mostly. ] I just... I don't want you to avoid asking questions. If we're going to be friends or—[ This is so not the time for that conversation. ]—Or anything else, I want us to be honest. Even when it's ugly.
[ He's learned the consequences of building a relationship out of convenient lies. It's not pretty. This particular level of baggage is probably left for a fifth (or fiftieth?) date in most cases, but it's not like anything about them has ever been typical. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-20 01:18 am (UTC)And neither is he. That's the important part.
As he pulls away, she (begrudgingly) lets him, drawing back as well. Her hands running down his arms until they find his hands, Hibiki threads her fingers between his. Her eyes briefly lowered, the smile that paints her lips is bittersweet. Relieved but wistful, and surprisingly uncertain. 'Anything else,' huh? If he wants her to be honest... ]
Even if you tried, I'm come running after you. I don't care how hard or ugly things can be, you're important to me. And I don't--
[ "I don't want to be left alone again."
Bringing their hands together, cupping hers around his, Hibiki's usual confidence seems like it's a world away. But he did say he wanted them to be honest with each other, right? Well... ]
So, no secrets. No shying away from difficult or ugly things because you're afraid what the other person might think. Because I want to still be friends... and anything else.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-20 06:54 pm (UTC)Me too. I’m not saying we need to talk about everything right now. That’s impossible.
[ Knowing someone in their entirety is a nice dream, but… That’s all it is. He rejected a world without lies once, after all. Whether it’s secrets that don’t belong to anyone besides yourself or truths that can only be revealed over time, promising honesty is just a starting point. He’s not expecting her to bare her soul immediately anymore than he’s ready to do the same. Besides, between her abilities and his sins, they’ve probably reached a proverbial limit on sincerity.
Smiling takes effort and his attempt is small, subdued in comparison to the usual expressions Hibiki provokes. ]
But it goes both ways. If there’s ever anything you want to say, I’ll listen. No matter what it is. You’re important to me too, Hibiki.
[ And this time, the lapse in formalities is completely intentional. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-21 06:36 am (UTC)But this feels more genuine and real; a starting place to a destination unknown. How else could she describe it? There's bound to be bumps along the way, hiccups and fumbles as they both figure out what this new normal will be for the both of them. No secrets, no lies--and for her, no hiding behind a bright smile and a bit of bravado. And as he smiles at her, delicate and subdued in spite of the words that follow it, she finds herself caught in their warmth, with no escape in sight.
Pulling her hands away from his, Hibiki stands up, moving very slowly and deliberately to stand in front of him. Those same hands hesitate as she crouches down a bit before finding purchase on his shoulders. Careful of the swing's chain, she brings her head closer to his before gingerly resting her temple near his before speaking softly. ]
Can... can you say that again? I don't think I heard you.
[ ...Idiot, why'd you have to wear a hat when all it's going to do is get in the way? It's not like anybody would recognize her all the way out here anyway. Ah well, too late now. ]
1/2
Date: 2022-10-23 09:23 pm (UTC)A feeling that grows, along with his smile, at her request. ]
In that case… [ After a pause, just long enough to tease. ] You’re important to me, Hibiki.
[ Words emphasized as he leans in, resting his head more firmly against hers briefly, before he speaks again. Sure, he could follow along to the letter and leave it there, but where's the fun in that? ]
I’ve never met anyone quite like you. You’re an amazing person. You're beautiful, strong, and... I'm just. So grateful that we got to meet. I know I've said that before, but it's true.
[ Look, he could keep going. But considering her usual reaction to praise, he's already a little worried what reaction he's going to get. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-23 09:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-23 10:59 pm (UTC)Suzaku, that's too much. How is she supposed to respond to that? Her heart can't take this.
As he punctuated his heartfelt declaration with a cheeky quip, she realizes what she needs to do. Pulling away briefly, eyes closed as she exhales slowly, Hibiki takes her hat off. Taking a brief moment to gaze into deep greens (he really does have beautiful eyes, how did she not notice this before now), she closes her eyes once more before leaning in for a kiss.
For a woman who claims she talks too much, she certainly is quick to let her actions speak for her.]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-25 03:56 pm (UTC)Especially with her hair fluffed up, courtesy of the hat's removal, and her eyes closed in concentration before the approach. Looking for all the world like a regular teenager when she's anything but. Or maybe, in this moment, she is. Maybe they both are.
Suzaku reaches up to rest one hand alongside her cheek, cupping it as he leans in to meet her a little shy of halfway, head titled to keep their noses from colliding. It's gentle, almost cautious. She's the one who started this, after all. He's got no problem letting her decide where it leads. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-25 06:37 pm (UTC)Even if she's not quite sure what she's doing, that's okay. She's allowed to be a regular teenager every once in a while; and if anyone has shown her that, it would be him. And more than anything, she wants him to feel the same way.
After a few long (yet short) minutes, she breaks away. Hibiki doesn't move far away, letting her forehead rest against his as her eyes flutter open. She lets out an airy giggle, a bit unsure but giddy at the same time. The temptation to kiss him again and again, to lose herself in the warmth of it once again is there, but she fights against it. For now. Speaking in a whisper, her fingers idly trace shapeless lines on his shoulder. ]
Sorry, I probably should've asked you first.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-27 06:58 pm (UTC)Let’s just say she’s not the only one left feeling giddy, or a touch more breathless than the activity warrants.
Suzaku keeps his hand where it was for another few seconds, thumb stroking against soft skin, before he speaks with a laugh of his own. ]
I’m not complaining.
[ In the end, he is a teenage boy. Hard as that may be to believe. ]
If you’re fine with it, so am I.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-27 10:04 pm (UTC)God, even the way he laughs while delicately running his thumb across her cheek leaves her feeling weightless. Suzaku's right, he is dangerous--and if she isn't careful, she's going to fall hard. If she hasn't already.
Blue-gray eyes briefly flitting downward before she lets her hand slowly trail its way up to the base of his neck, Hibiki grins brightly. ]
Does that mean I can kiss you again?
[ Cheeky. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-31 02:45 pm (UTC)He can't remember the last time he felt this light. It's easy to let the the feeling wash over him, in spite or because of how disparate those emotions are from the rest of the evening. As if they're from two different worlds. ]
I don't know. Can you?
[ Hibiki's not the only brat in this relationship. He's happy to match her beat for beat. Even if he has to resist the urge to lean back towards her touch, far from unaffected by the gentle path of her hand. As contact goes, it's less intense than the previous embraces, but made just as overwhelming by the casual intimacy behind the gesture. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 08:09 pm (UTC)Maybe I won't, if you're gonna tease me like that.
[ It's an empty threat, but one she's more than happy to play up to fit the mood. Because it has been an intense conversation, with a lot about each other coming to light. And its because of that that Hibiki decides to indulge a little.
But she is never going to tell him that she likes that side of him that likes to tease. Some secrets are best left undiscovered—not like she's doing a good job at hiding it. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-04 02:12 pm (UTC)That'd be a shame.
[ Maybe the previous parts of their conversation weren't quite as painful as expected, but it's impossible to deny how much easier slipping into playfulness is. She's always brought out this side in him, since the very first day they met, and he's never been more grateful for it. Considering everything else they've covered, this is downright refreshing. Even if it is uncharted territory in its own right. ]
Then I'd just have to be the one to kiss you, isn't that right?
[ And if she allows it, that's exactly what he'll do. Without jokes this time around. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-11 07:45 pm (UTC)But what if—
[ Nope, she doesn't get to finish that thought. Thief, scoundrel, how dare he steal a kiss after broadcasting his intent. She's going to match him in kind, of course, make him have to reflect on his actions. ]
@nagano (tfln)
Date: 2022-10-01 03:57 am (UTC)not soju this time!! (𓌻‸𓌻)
and what?
the fact that you're a great guy and people are totally blind if I'm the only one who sees it
you're at the ramen place pretty much whenever you're not in the field so it's not like they don't see you
honestly that kinda pisses me off 💢
[ Did she miss the part where she made it very clear what kind of luck she's had or is she just ignoring that fact? ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-01 04:01 am (UTC)'Sides, I don't think I just want to sleep around anyway. It'd be nice to... Have a partner, I guess.
But that's a tall order. You're not the only one who's got it tough when it comes to relationships, y'know?
Also tell me what you're having so I can mooch some off you
[1/2]
Date: 2022-10-01 04:03 am (UTC)[ Yep. That's all she's going to send for a bit. ]
[2/2]
Date: 2022-10-01 04:11 am (UTC)I know you don't mean like that though
but I really want that for you, somebody's gonna be really lucky to have you
I'll try not to get too jealous over here
white Russian! it's really good I'll make you one some time
or if you wanna come over I can make another now/span>
@prisona (tfln)
Date: 2022-10-01 08:42 pm (UTC)then thought he could take me on when I told him to cut it out
spoilers: he couldn't
so what you're saying is that if I knock out teeth when someone is an dirtbag idiot I'll get cash?
not a bad gig tbh
sign me up!!